After almost 70 years of accumulation, 45 years of sharing and months of hard work, it is with great pleasure that I invite you to share my journey, my work, my soul.
The process of creating this website has proved to be an insightful retrospective. Opening and exploring folders deposited strategically throughout the thinly veiled chaos of my computer filing system, for nights on end, I downloaded years of class notes, powerpoints, conference handouts and pages of personal experiences. And in the course of this digital walkabout, a timeline of my life chronologically choreographed by each dated document, I came to the realization—if you want to know where you’re going, look at where you’ve been.
Taking the time to see where we’ve been matters, honoring the booboos and ouchies as well as the kudos and applause. For in so doing, we can make a choice—whether to stay on the same road or take an alternate route. There is value in periodically stopping when we find ourselves at crossroads; however, one of life’s most vital teachings I’ve gleaned is that, regardless of which avenue is chosen, you can’t drive forward while staring into your rear view mirror. To make the choice to jump in, roll down the windows and speed off down the road without looking back takes trust and courage.
When I was younger, newly initiated as a cosmic child of the 60’s, I was in the knowledge collection stage of my life. Scavenging for meaning at every opportunity, rushing headlong into unknown realms, hoping that each scrap and fragment would embed itself into the cellular matrix of my inner being to take hold and sprout into wisdom.
This unquenchable thirst for deeper knowing grew past containment; so impassioned and inspired to the point of overflow, it naturally spilled out into the world and I found myself seeking like-minded, soul-driven others. For days and nights on end, bolstered by esoteric teachings and enlightened professors, we shared theories and insights, joining our puzzle pieces to form coherent definitions. Experiencing momentary glimpses not only of the web of interconnection existing around us, but ourselves simultaneously as active participants and co-creators, offered a fellowship providing support and safety as we attempted to move through our daily lives.
The power of those energetic exchanges created life changing moments that brought with them a level of satisfaction. Far from being ego-based or success driven, it was more of the way a child feels as new territories are explored and conquered, when secrets of the universe are revealed, moments resulting in explosions of unfathomable power and unspeakable excitement.
In experiencing it more deeply, however, I felt it to be the kind of excitement that comes with discovering and sharing the magic of the simple truths that exist and are often overlooked…those that unknowingly and silently feed us daily and are driving factors in our lives that we don’t always realize or cannot easily express; they are unseen and perhaps unknown existential options which, once explored and claimed as our own, suddenly open us up to new worlds of understanding.
Regardless of explanation, the excitement was there, continually singing through my cells, sparking me to follow. I acknowledged, then, that my life had been transformed and there was no going back. I made the decision to keep moving down that road, intent on continued exploration and adventure, searching for answers, seeking wholeness and sharing my discoveries.
That was then, when I was young. Now that I have more years behind me than ahead, gazing at the outcome of earlier explorations generates a very different feeling, both unfamiliar and vaguely uncomfortable.
These topics are no longer adventures to be had or new worlds to excitedly explore. Rather, like beloved old colleagues, each file has invoked a memory of a specific moment in time and space when thought, concept and experience collided to create form, which was then birthed into the world and given a voice.
Unbeknownst to me, I have discovered what it means to age…to grow old, to move into yet another new territory after almost 50 years since my quest began. What a long strange trip it’s been…and it’s not over. And I’m still not looking back. The piles of deeper knowing and interconnection are sprawled across every flat surface of my library, each competing for their time again in the world.
What a different experience to offer these teachings at this point in my life.
These insights came totally unexpectedly-what I thought was to be an introduction to my work and an advertisement on my website for teaching gigs somehow has turned into a profound realization that will change the way I share information and experience life.
Returning to cherished past haunts and secret spaces, visited as a young adventurer plowing over hill and dale, yielding Excalibur in search of the grail, has proven to more profound than I’d ever considered. For now I am finding myself gently walking worn paths through old familiar terrain, seeing each tree rather than the forest, savoring the sacred uniqueness of each blade and bloom in contrast to jumping into the totality of a green pasture sea. No longer searching—on an unspoken mission to find the unity in all things as I did during the first 3 decades—these last 3+ decades of life experience have given me the chance to know and touch that unity intimately…and from that place of wholeness, I am able now to see it in others, appreciating the magnificent uniqueness of each individual spirit.
Instead of seeing the tapestry as a beautiful piece of richly colored cloth as I once did, my vision has shifted to the deep acknowledgement of each thread that assists in its creation.
Truly, a vastly different perspective from years ago—but one which calls forth a similar level of overwhelm, awe, humility and gratitude. Walking the realms of both life and death for years and standing at the gate of the in between has been a gift, a responsibility and ultimately an opportunity to receive insights and teachings beyond my imagination. I have inhaled, absorbed and savored this place in my life, putting down the warrior’s sword to embrace the grace of an aging wisewoman.
Meanwhile, the occasion to stand still, enthralled with the mesmerizing awareness coming as a result of this recapitulation, is short-lived. What has always remained constant has been the understanding that, when I left the shore and climbed into the boat that would carry me along my life’s current, I was given a rudder but not the paddles. I could help steer but there was something much greater than me in control.
And so it is—with a few strong shoves and shouts from the universe, letting me know this accumulation of lifestuff is not to be wasted, pushing me from thought into action, I am happy to move sleeping words and dormant seeds from the hidden recesses of my digital memory , waking them up and, in sharing with you, giving them new life.
I look forward to the opportunity!